Why does the Sister hate my Blog?

Close readers of the blog will have noticed that The Sister has all but dissapeared from these pages.

On the one hand, it's nice to have a break from being called a donkey or a demon, or an idiot...not have my life threatened.

On the other, she's always maintained that the sucess of this blog depended on her presence and participation. "I'm what the people want," is how she put it.

Whether she's right or wrong...she believes it. So, I can only assume that, at least in her mind, refusing to participate is deliberate attempt of blogocide...she's trying to destroy Flimsy Cups.

Why?...Why?

More Texting

Me: Have you just stopped participating.

Sister: No dear-heart. I'll post soon...been swamped.

-She's swamped with what...making up a menu for the next Junior League Tea?-

Sister: You were pretty rude with Adam.

Me: Really? I was just clownin' around.

Sister: I think you owe him a full post apology.

Me: Seriously? I was that bad?

Sister: No not-serious you Nimrod. You make it too easy.

Me: Do you really want to go there? Do you want me to borrow Martha's cell phone tomorrow.

Sister: Youre a Donkey!

-One day I'll describe all the thrid-degree ice-burns she's gotten from me pretending to be Martha on the text. She fall's for it every time. -

Me: I've known him for a long time. I think he was over it...I think he was ready to reach through the nets and smack me.

Sister: Which person that reads your blog hasn't wanted to?

Y'all don't really want to smack me do you?

One for the Sister

I just finished my dinner...soup and chips.

I spilled dip on my sweater and pants.

While she's trying to figure that out y'all can watch this...

We Don't Hate Muse

Sorry the video's out of sync.

You Got You Crap Daddy?

Today is my last day with my current employer. I took another job a couple of weeks ago and it starts on Feb. 1st.

I'm excited about the new gig but kinda sad to leave the folks around here, but it's time to go.

Not to worry I'll still be traveling...the 2011 ticket challange is still on. In fact, I'll be on the road more than I have been.

While we're at it, and for the record, I have already taken two road trips this year travelling over 1000 miles without a ticket....BUT not without a scrape. Slid through a mound of ice (made from clearing the roads) between Tupelo and Aberdeen...I made it through fine, but the front of the volvo took a beatin'.

It's at the shop now so we've been car-pooling this week. As we're gettin' in the car this morning I realized I'd forgotten my computer bag...

"Aw crap I forgot my bag."

I'm a pro, a veteran, at rushing back in the house for things I've forgotten...so in no time I was back in the front seat when I hear from the back..

"You got you crap Daddy?"

Ooops.

Anyway, I wont be havin' as much time to stalk my favorite blogs (even the one's that have apperantly gone on hiatus), or deal immediately with my Sisters slurs, or perry the blows that Adam tries to land against rocknroll. I'm not going anywhere though...I'll still be blowin' up your stat-counters and dealing with these two...I just won't be as ninja-quick about it.

I've got my crap together and it's almost time to go.

More Appalling Texts From My Sister

Yesterday just before dinner as I was out working hard to feed my family, I received the following text from the Sister...

"You Suck!"

How dispiriting.

"Those Aren't For You...They're for People."

That's what Martha told me when I tried to snatch a couple of these yesterday.


Guess I'm lucky she didn't hit me with the squirt-gun we keep handy for the cat when she gets a little too curious about what's on the counter.

"Fine then...Merry Christmas. I'll be in the pantry eatin' Pounces and Fancy Feast with Mary-Cathcart."


I managed to sneak a few eventually. Turns out they aren't poisonous to non-people, but are instead the Form of chocolate and peanut butter...the Form of deliciousness. I hope those people enjoy 'em.

Then there was this....



The Boy has been tellin' us for weeks now that Santy Clause was gonna bring him a red g'itar, but on Christmas morning when he was actually confronted with it...he hesitated. He stared in silence...took a few steps toward it and then backed up. Maybe he just couldn't believe it was actually there...that he could actually touch it, play it...that it was actually his.

"What did Santa Clause bring you...What is it bud?" Martha asked...tryin' to prod him along a little.

"Don't be silly Moma," the boy said with surprising deliberatness for a two year old, "that's my g'itar."

In other words butt-out of my moment...at least that's what it sounded like.

I hope y'all had as Merry a Christmas as this one did...



P.S. We went to the Sister's for breakfast on Christmas morning...she served us cold grits...on Christmas morning. For real. Fortunately her Mother-in-law was there to save the day with some scrumptious monkey-bread.




It was all actually very tasty and she did a great job, but she'll be so mad when she reads the last paragraph that she won't see this one...so, I haven't actually ruined my little joke by telling the truth.

Texts From My Sister.

As y'all know The Sister is fond of sending me nasty texts.."Shut it," "U R Obnoxious," "Kiss My Grits," etc.

This morning I received the following... "Demon! Be Gone From Me."

As usual I was only trying to help her out...offering solutions to a certain problem she's having...demonstrating, once again, that I only have her best interests at heart.

It really is appalling the way she talks to me...what a shame.

Post #20

What a ramshackle operation I am.

I've got a hole in the sole of my shoe. I was aware of it but I don't think I had really internalized the fact until a minute ago when I tried to stomp out a cigarette...like bein' struck by lightening on the ball of my foot.

Let's set the scene for next sales call.

I've pulled up and gotten out of the car...
"Mr. Bottums. There's a man holding a gift bag..hoping around on one leg in the parking lot. Oh, he's just taken a tumble...he's spread eagle on a pile of what looks like...pecans? He's got a hole in his shoe...brown socks? With those pants? Reckon we should call somebody?"

My turn signals have mysteriously stopped working...meaning I'm risking, if not life, a limb everytime I have to make a left turn.

My antenna doesn't work either...meaning I have to stop and wrap a piece of coathanger around it between sales calls (stopping to take it down before pulling in someones parking lot of course). This bit of redneck engineering mortifies Martha and the Sister, but they don't spend 5 hours a day in a car that doesn't have a radio.

Yeah I get some funny looks. Maybe if it was an old truck (I wish) people wouldn't think twice about it, but it's a zippy little volvo with a big Yale sticker across the back window...and a coat hanger waggin around off the antenna. They stare sometimes...

"I'm sorry I can't hear your puzzled look over Britney...Hold on a cecond...OOOps I did it AGAIN...OK What? What are you lookin at?"

Once in New Albany an old man drinkin' coffee at a curbstore asked me "if it only got reception in the closet?"

Everybody's a flippin comedian..

How Rude!

I just recieved the following text from the Sister...

"No. Shut up."

There's anohter one..."Kiss it."

So we have...

"U R Obnoxious"

"Kiss my GRITS."

"No. Shut UP."

and now "Kiss it."

Flimsy Cups would like to invite any sisters that may be reading this to please log on and tell her that this is no way to talk to a respected figure of the family...especially an older brother that is as doting as I am.

I am real...really I am

I just got back from the Sister's. We get together for supper every Thursday.

I'm standin' in her kitchen wonderin' why we're havin' chicken when she promised me this morning we'd be havin' breakfast for supper....I'm thinkin' about grits when she says to me...

"Where did you find that hideous painting?"

"I painted it."

"You painted it?"

"Yeah...so it's hideous huh?"

"No..NO...No...it's good...I just you know..I thought it was a real painting."

"It is a real painting."

"You know what I mean."

"I'm sure that I don't."

"Like it was painted by a real person."

"I am real."

Well what to think about that?

Evidently I've created something real...which is nice even if it is really hideous.

On the other hand...it's realness is exactly what caused her to think I hadn't done it.

hmmmmmmmmmmm

"Hideous? Really?"

"Well no...I just..I thought it was a real picture you know? Seriously."

Tid Bit 1 1/2

I went running with the Sister this morning.

She say's I've gotta get that picture of the devils hand puppet off the front page... "Nobody wants to see that."

That's just her way of saying..."Erik I can't bare to think of life without you and every time I read that story, every time I think about how close we came to losing you..I have a panic attack."

Because I am nothing if not a loving brother...I'll do my best to bump it down.

Here's something pleasant to ponder.



It's not nearly flat enough....I'm gonna keep painting this over and over again until it's a couple of triangles and circles...party with the paint brush like it's 1910.

Can We Move on Now?

The Sister at her day job of being fantastic.

Cast of Characters

I think this has gone on long enough without y'all havin' some idea of what these people look like. These characters who work so hard to make my material existence the absurdity that it is...need faces.



Wren - A Southern lady of class and great taste...obviously.
She's also the wife of....



Allan - He is a distinguished professor of philosophy...here setting out to create what he likes to call "the beautiful negation." He's also an expert in claiming that my blog won't let him post.



Adam - A Northern (not a yank** the English kind) husband, father and archeologist...and electric guitar player. Ironically Adam is most well known for his hatred of rocknroll...you can see how passionate he is on this subject in his frequent rants against the Fall.



The Sister - This was the most gussied up picture I could find...musta been right after Church...maybe a wedding. Is anybody suprised to read that I recieved the following text from her lastnight..."Kiss my grits"?

(Disclaimer...to those who don't know. My sister, like the other ladies in this post is also a lovely and gracious Southern Lady...she does not smoke...even cartoon cigarettes, does not have a tatoo, and doesn't shop for herself at Baby Gap. She is good humored about everything except her fabulous looks.
The red hair though...is very real.
I aaam not wri-ting thiiis undeer dureeessss).



The Boy - What a rock star. (He doesn't wear that outfit everyday...his Momma won't let me get away with that...it was football team day at his little school)



Martha - the very lovely, beautiful, and gracious Martha...organizing something.

That's them y'all...that's what I'm dealing with.

Post #15

Yesterday I told my sister she needed to put a link to my blog on her My Face page.

"I'm not linkin' your creepy blog on my page."

"What?"

"You gotta write about things that people can relate to...instead of...of...whatever."

Who is it that can't relate to gettin the wrong toppings on thier cheeseburger?

"Do I have to tell people you're my brother."

"No...of course not. Why would I expect you to start tellin' people now?"

"How about I tell them you're one of our special projects at the Junior League."

"That'll work."

Keep in mind that half of the 20 hits the blog has are from my sister loggin' in to see if I've written anything about her.

Yet somehow I'm the one that's suppossed to be incomprehensible...the bug in the family?

Absurd.


P.S. Are we runnin' in the morning?

Post #12 Sorta

My sister says there's not enough about her on the Blog..."that's what the people want" she says...that and pictures of my boy. According to her those are the blog's biggest flaws....not enough about her and not enough pictures of my son.

Also, Martha's been readin' the blog again. How she managed to find the time I don't know.

"Well?"

Her response was a suspiciously cheery "It's good."

"That's it huh...it's good?"

"Yep."...still cheery.

"It's not depressing or confusing...just good?"

At that the smile and the cheery look in her eyes thinned out a little bit.."I'm not giving you any more material."

We'll see about that...see if she can avoid it.