Post # 18

One of the highlights during my visit up north occurred yesterday on the way home. I got a speeding ticket in illinios.

"Is thrrrr-uh sammm-uh particulaaaar-uh reason-uh yah werrrr-uh drr-eye-ving-uh at-ah such ex-cess-ivuh speeed-uh?"

Have a look around bud...you should be pulling people over who aren't speeding. If they're takin' their time leavin' this miserable place they probably aren't sound enough mentally to be driving.

Is there some reason why you're talkin' to me through your nostrils?

I'll tell you...if you tell me how it became your childhood dream to hassel people along a miserable stretch of highway in this *** forsaken part of the country.

But, he hadn't written the ticket yet...and after a long tempting pause...

"Just tryin' to get back to Mississippi." I explained while handin' him my proof of insurance and driver's license.

"Doooow ya-ah knoooooooow-uh haaaw-uh fhhast ya-ah wrrrr-uh dr-eye-ving?"

"No sir...not really."

"Well-uh, Eye'm-uh gunnuh haaavuh ta wr-eye-t ya-ah a c-eye-taaa-sseeuhn..EARRR-ICK."

ERIK? Seriously? Erik?

Who in the h*** was this clown to be callin' me Erik?

For real..Erik?

We'd never laid eyes on one another before...and even though he's a cop he can't be so stupid as to believe I ever want to see him again.

Erik?

I guess in the land of lincoln it's quite alright to talk to someone you don't know by their first name...even when conducting official business.

Anyway he wrote the ticket and told us to "haavuh a guuuduh daaayuh."

"Yeah ha ha...you too fella."

Just in case I'd heard wrong...I turned to Martha and asked.

"Did that yankee call me by my first name?"

She had a look on her face that I haven't seen since we used to have a cat box in the house..."Uh yeah...he did."

Anyway...it's a 140 bucks. Which would have been money well spent if we had been able to speed through the lenght of the state. Sadly we were still 100 miles from the Mississippi River...we had to crawl the rest of the way...people zoomin' by us the whole time with those hideous license plates.

I hope they spend the money wisely 'cause it's the last flippin dime they're gonna get from me in illinios for a very long time.