...somebody needs to take a look in there.
Every parent with small children probably harbors a certain amount of resentment towards the crap they're forced to watch with their kids.
I can't be the only one that's tried to report Dora and Diego to INS...or follows the Fresh Beat Band on Twitter hoping that today's the day they announce they're splitting up...or fantasized about slipping onto the set of Blue's Clues and spiking Steve's coffee with amphetamines...can I?
Of course, they're not all bad. My sister loves the Backyardagins and I'll probably keep watching Jack's Big Music Show long after the Boy has given up on it.
Good or bad, they all have their issues. Oswald is an acid-trip through a zoo in West Hollywood...those eggs aren't brothers. Speaking of drugs...have you seen Yo Gaba Gaba?
There's one though that has 'em all beat...Dino Dan.
Dino Dan is about a mentally disturbed kid that see's dinosaurs all the time, and everywhere. He has a psychotic obsession with dinosaurs that was certainly brought on when his paleontologist father abandoned the family. His Momma has concocted this cock-eyed story that he's away at a conference...a conference in Barbados with his last T.A. I guess she's done this for two reasons...one she's still holding out hope he'll come back...two, so Dan doesn't rightly blame himself for running his father off.
If this kid was any more annoying he'd be a hemorrhoid. All day long he berates people...his friends, his teachers, his little brother...with facts and anecdotes about whatever dinosaur he's seen that day on the playground, in the garage, behind the toilet. Everybody stops whatever they're doing and hangs on his every word...as if they actually care...or, more likely, they're afraid for their lives. Dan's not the kinda kid you want having bad memories of you when he becomes a teenager and discovers FPS video games.
Obviously...obviously Dan is a kid desperate to have some connection with his absent father. One can only shudder to imagine where all this is headed after he reaches puberty. If you want me to watch, show me the scenes of Dan's mother meeting with the school psychologist...show me the conversations between Dan's buddies and their parents about why he can't sleep over...show me his pharmacist feverishly at work.
All of this is completely lost on the Boy and all he sees is dinosaurs.
"I'na watch another Dino Dan...Dino Dan...Dino Dan...I'na watch Dino Dan."
What can I say to 'im...but, the truth is I'd rather have a monkey hammer thumb tacks into my forehead with a 2x4 than watch five more minutes of that crap.