Don't act like y'all don't know where we be neither.

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Showing posts with label Text From My Sister. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Text From My Sister. Show all posts

Friday, September 14, 2012

Somebody's Desperate for Attention

Last week saw the return of Allan. We know he's only using us as an outlet to express his frustrations on Saturdays...but, we'll take what we can get.

In similar a turn of events....The Sister (aka Anonymous), has recently shown a renewed interest in Flimsy Cups. She's sent me a string of texts explaining that a) the blog is not nearly as funny as Suri's Burn Book and b) it's been especially boring since she stopped being a regular feature on these pages.

Those of you who have been around for a while know, because I have told you numerous times, that I am nothing but a loving and supportive brother to my little sister. You will also know that she normally responds to my concern and affection with derision and insults.

The latest...

"You don't add up..."


"Eat it!"

"Oh good grief."

Maybe it's because her youngins are back in school...maybe football's cutting in to the Supper Club schedule? It's too early for Mistletoe meetings at the Junior League? I don't know but, she's obviously desperate for attention. To show that I harbour no ill will towards her, even after years of harassment and abuse...that I, selflessly, only have her best interests and well being at heart...I will oblige her egomaniacal needs.

Holiday Potpourri...starring The Sister.

What is Holiday Potpourri you ask?

"It's only the premier event for Jackson in the Fall. Where have you been?"

Still don't know?

"A Jackson tradition for the last 26 years. We raise money [for school] so we don't have to nickle and dime our parents everyday like some schools..."*

They don't put just anybody in charge of the cash box at the ticket table.  Wonder why she wasn't asked to compose the prayer? Maybe because she told everybody her brother was a "demon."

Despite it all, we want you to know, dear Sister, that Flimsy Cups understands your need for attention and fully  suports the efforts of you and the other mothers to raise enough money to buy the students some toilet paper.

You're welcome.

During the writing of this post, while assuring her that she was going to featured in an upcoming post...I recived the following text....

"You're an ASS." Ass being used here, as in the Bible of course, to mean that I am a donkey and not as a swear word referencing the human buttocks.

*That is a shot at The Boy's school where each child has his own ipod touch and the football field has a Jumbotron...and despite the outrageous touition...we are harassed on a regular basis to buy $100 t-shirts and the Boy has to bring his own bandaides. It beats begging the public at large...might as well be a public school if you're gonna do that.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Treading Water

Yo Le Tango - Treading Water.

We are waiting...waiting for Isaac to turn hurricane. Waiting to see where it'll land. Waiting for Wednesday to see what, if anything, we're dealing with. Above all, waiting to make sure the **** cable's on Thursday night for South Carolina at Vanderbilt.

I was supossed to be on my way to Natchez this morning...then onto the Louisiana State Penitentiary...

Photobucket hats, Leadbelly, the Rodeo.

That trip's been cancelled. Not only are prisoners being transferred there from the Coast...people from south Louisiana have booked every hotel room from here to Dallas.

Folks are jumpy. If you live around here, especially south of here, hurricanes are just part of the territory. They don't come every year but they will come. Some are worse than others.

Kate was the worst one I sat through as a kid. Me and the Sister spent that night in the hallway just like them kids in the picture. Even in there we could hear the wind pushing against the house and pine cones pelted the roof at a rattling pace.

Of course, my parents, in true Cracker fashion, stood on the front porch gawking.

"Look a'dat."

"D'you see that?"

Turns out what they were watching was the glow of tornadoes that were bouncing dangerously around the house. Just as the storm started to show the first signs of slowing, my brother pulled into the drive way. He had spent the worst of it trying to find a place to buy cigarettes. HA!

The real disaster became clear the next morning when we realized that, instead of being cut loose for a week while the school was shutdown, we'd be spending every hour of daylight picking up limbs and raking.

Some are worse than others...then there's Katrina. Seven years ago today, on a creepily similar path to Isaac, she reached her most vicious strength. Next day she came ashore on the western edge of the Mississippi Gulf Coast and erased it. The counter clockwise sweep of the storm took care of the rest...a 30ft wall of water mauled everything in it's path. Houses were blown to atoms, floating casinos were picked up and moved half a mile inland. More than 200 Mississippians lost their lives. Jackson is 160 miles from the coast. Katrina hit it us as a Category 2 storm.

For a minute that was the story. Then the levees gave way in New Orleans. Even though Mississippi had taken Katrina in the teeth, the Gulf Coast was almost forgotten. I read a story in the Guardian a couple of years ago on the anniversary of the storm. It claimed that New Orleans had been hit by a 30ft storm surge.

It conjured up images of the Quarter being crushed by giant waves...of Andrew Jackson being toppled in his square and, most horrifying of all, Crescent City Books being turned to pulp. Not exactly...that's what happened to Mississippi...the extreme northeastern edge of New Orleans sticks out between Lake Pontchartrain and Lake Borgne.* Except over land, there isn't really a clear path from the Gulf to New Orleans. To be sure, the water came and it was a disaster but it was not an obliteration event like the Coast had suffered.

Of course, one reason Mississippi didn't make as many headlines was because our governor, Hailey Barbour, came out the next day and declared that looters would be shot...and everybody knew he meant it.

Anyway, Isaac is not Katrina...and maybe once it passes maybe people can get back taking these things in stride and I won't have to cancel my &*&^ plans and spend the entire week in the office.


A Katrina stump...trees killed by the storm have been carved into fish, dolphins and birds from Gulf Port to Waveland. Reminders but pleasant.

*The French Quarter in New Orleans sits against the Mississippi River and being on that side it avoided most of the damage.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Party Time!

Despite the wishes and best efforts of the Sister* and the bookies...39 today and Counting!

Deal with it!

I got a text from her late last night...all it said was "Bite my Butt." I try to be a loving brother and this is the thanks I get.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Call Me Rufus.

The Sister got an I-Phone this weekend.

Evidently this thing comes with a lady-in-waiting. For no other reason than that the option is offered...She gave her's an Australian accent.

Having decided on an Australian servant, the obvious next step was to ask it...

"Where can I find a shrimp on the barbie?"

The lady tells her to call

So, of course, she texts me to call her...several times as she got acquainted with Mac's Fascist spell check.

"Hey me."

"call me Dufuss...not Rufus. Call me Dufuss."

Hey Dufuss, why don't you ask Sheila where you can find Flimsy Cups.

The last great Pavement song.

Lest we forget...

Only this morning she has called me "Obnoxious" and uninvited me from Thanksgiving. All I've ever been guilty of is being a loving brother.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

End of Days?

I don't want to alarm y'all but something strange has happened to the sky. It's gone a soft grey color.

I don't remember ever seeing anything like it and I'm not sure what it could mean...looks ominous.

I can't see the sun. There are patches here and there of illuminous white but no sun.

This is creepy.

I hate to do this but I'm afraid it's necessary. After talking with one our regular readers this weekend :coughthesistercough: I'm worried that my posts are sometimes confusing.

There isn't actually anything wrong with the's just clouds. The above is just a little joke about how we've had the same bright day for months not panic.

Hopefully, the post hasn't been deemed too wordy...and the reader :coughsistercough: was able to make it to the explanation...and isn't hiding under the dining room table.

P.S. Nat...don't you dare say a word about Breaking Bad. We haven't seen it yet.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

More Texting

Me: Have you just stopped participating.

Sister: No dear-heart. I'll post soon...been swamped.

-She's swamped with what...making up a menu for the next Junior League Tea?-

Sister: You were pretty rude with Adam.

Me: Really? I was just clownin' around.

Sister: I think you owe him a full post apology.

Me: Seriously? I was that bad?

Sister: No not-serious you Nimrod. You make it too easy.

Me: Do you really want to go there? Do you want me to borrow Martha's cell phone tomorrow.

Sister: Youre a Donkey!

-One day I'll describe all the thrid-degree ice-burns she's gotten from me pretending to be Martha on the text. She fall's for it every time. -

Me: I've known him for a long time. I think he was over it...I think he was ready to reach through the nets and smack me.

Sister: Which person that reads your blog hasn't wanted to?

Y'all don't really want to smack me do you?

Friday, January 14, 2011

More Appalling Texts From My Sister

Yesterday just before dinner as I was out working hard to feed my family, I received the following text from the Sister...

"You Suck!"

How dispiriting.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Texts From My Sister.

As y'all know The Sister is fond of sending me nasty texts.."Shut it," "U R Obnoxious," "Kiss My Grits," etc.

This morning I received the following... "Demon! Be Gone From Me."

As usual I was only trying to help her out...offering solutions to a certain problem she's having...demonstrating, once again, that I only have her best interests at heart.

It really is appalling the way she talks to me...what a shame.