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Showing posts with label Gators. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gators. Show all posts

Saturday, November 24, 2012

"Green is Behind the Defense!"

One of the greatest moments in Gator Football. The fact that it had as much to do with spite as achievement tells you all you need to know about today's game. The previous season had ended with the Gators destroying Florida State in the Sugar Bowl for their first National Championship...yet, I think this games has a stronger hold on the Gator imagination than the championship game.

In 1997, the Seminoles were ranked #1 in the nation. All they had to do was beat the Gators and they'd be in the National Championship game. The season had been a huge disappointment for the Gators. Not only had they lost to an unranked LSU team but, for first and only time during Steve Spurrier's tenure, they had lost to Georgia.

Spoiling the hated Seminoles' season was about all they had left....

It was my last night in Germany. I watched the game at my buddy's apartment in Patrick Henry Village. When Thomas intercepted the ball...I jumped on the floor and started breakdancing.  One of the greatest games ever. I still get goosebumps every time, and it's a been a lotta times since 1997, I hear Sean McDonough yell..."Green is behind the defense!"

Still, my favorite moment of the clip is watching the FSU players cry on the sideline.

They're playin' again today...the Gators still have an outside chance at the National Championship but, I couldn't care less about that right now.

Just beat the ****** Seminoles.

Any minute now.

Not Nuremburg...just idiot Seminole fans.

3rd and 2


Move the chains again.


Stalled out at the end but they moved the ball pretty good.

Gators 3 - F$U 0

Old school in the orange britches...beat 'em like it's the 80's.

Come on Defense.

Now we're cookin'...


Right now it looks very much like an SEC team playing the acc.

Keep it rollin'.

Beat 'em DOWN!!!

This is the only game on the schedule that still makes me sick to my stomach no matter what...this year I've got a four year old, who's obviously feeding of my excitement, jumping all over me.

Bad call...dadgummit.

How do you mess that up.

Back on offense.

End of the first quarter...Gotta be happy. The Gators are moving the ball.

Gators 3 - F$U 0

That was just freaking sloppy.

Stuffed like a turkey's a@@! Gator's ball.

Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.

That's a catch fools.

BULL S***! Anyway...

Gators 6 - F$U 0


First and Goal!!!!


Gators 13 - F$U 0

Todd Blackledge "FSU is finding out what it's like to play an SEC team."


Another sloppy series. This game should be 35 to nothin' by now.

Stop bein' goofy y'all...yer throwin' away points morons.

Come on y'all don't let 'em move the ball here.

This is some typical Gator crap right here...they gonna let 'em get a field goal.


Idiotic five end the half.

End of half

Gators 13 - F$U 3

Here we go...the two quarters that matter.


Gator Ball.

They have got to watch these stupid penalties.

About all they're doin' on offense now is burnin' clock.


They've dug themselves a hole now.

3rd and goal...stop 'em b***es.

Timeout f$u...the Gators have done there best over the last 10 minutes to piss away everything they've done.

Unbelievable...flippin' Gators.

Gators 13 - f$u 10

All the momentum that they'd built up is gone. Let's see how they handle it.

There you go. F$U ball.

Gators 13 - f$u 17.

A clinic on how to piss away a game. I'm going to throw up now.

Good way to start climbing back but, I swear I thought that was gonna be picked off.

3rd and a mile...the kraut got to him again.

They look like the keystone cops now.

It's about to get stupid out of

A penalty of f$u...that's a novelty.

Great play...y'all come on. Do something.

Gators 13 - f$u 20.

It's still a one possession game but, the Gators with the ball has been an anti-possession.


REED....R. E. E. D. 23 yard run  to end the 3rd quarter.  15 minutes to go.

Gators 13 - f$u 20.

I just want to vomit.  Just so y'all know.

It's like the specialize in wasted opportunities.

Gators 16 - f$u 20.

They have got to get the field possession under control here.

Tackle first...worry about a damn turnover second.

Gator Ball!!!!  COme on Gators GET UP AND GO!!!


Gators 23 - f$u 20.

Poor Emanual probably won't know where he is until wednesday sometime.

Good stop.  Come on y'all. Take that  ball and shove it down the field.

Still wanting to get sick.

What a return...y'all come on. Just seven more points.


Gators 30 - f$u 20

Come on Defense...let's put this thing away.

Y'all put this thing away.

Where's the sick bag...they're lettin' down the field again.


4th and 26!! Do not let them convert this.

Gator Ball!  We are 4 minutes from gettin' down like Cooter Brown.


They toyin' with 'em now.

Under 3 minutes.....

Gators 37 - f$u 20!!!!!

Garbage touchdown for f$u as the clock hits 0:00


Put it in the BOOKS!

Gators 37 - f$u 26

The Party Never Stops..

If you watch the clip...listen to the sound of the hit during full speed. Sweetest sound in the world.

HaHahahahahaa hahhahahahhah

Saturday, October 6, 2012


Tuesday I was in New Orleans. As usual I was driving around trying to find a place that I'd already been to a million different times. Freaking Mid City.

It did give me the opportunity to hear this exchange between a radio host and a real live, pure bread coonass...

Budreaxbeaux Tibbadeaux..."I kayn...I know whey dey tawk like dey English bu dey nah English,,You know..
Host: Uhh
B.T....You know...whey dey Cadolics and dey Padastans done get along too well.
B.T....Yeeee AWLand...AWLAND...AWLAND...dem people was so nice to me.

Harmless, even charming, on a Tuesday morning, Deebeaux a differnt creature all together on Saturday nights in the Fall when the Byooo Bangles...his Tigahs...take the field. Higher than Cooter Brown...and meaner than a cat box.

Big game today. LSU was picked to win The Conference at the begining of they year and they are undefeated. The Gators have surprised everybody with how they've been able to wear teams down.  They too are undefeated and both teams are ranked in the top 10.

In short, IT'S ON!

I'm ready(not pictured Mexcian Cokecolas, Mallow Cups and pint cans of Boddingtons).

Trivia: Our own Ronnie is a graduate of the Louisiana State University. We might have a thought for Ronnie Jr but, we will be ruthlessly wishing the worst for senior.

Of course, we can't let this pass without playing the most outrageously over-the-top intro video ever made...

Never ever gets old.

Thankfully the game's in Gainesville this year.


Gators are in all Blue...haven't seen that in a while.

Already got a fight.

You got Knocked the.....OUT!

Field Goal?

Gators 0 - LSU 3.

If the Gators keep beatin' on 'em like'll be a good day.

They are scrapin' after every play.

What a catch...great through to the OUTSIDE.

Great hit but not nearly as hard as the celebration...settle down clowns.

Put that in your crawfish boil beeot....!!!!!

All defense.

...and field position. Pure football. 

Another 3 and out for LSU. If this keeps up a blocked kick or a punt return will put the Gators up. 


That's what we been waitin' for....interception Watkins!!!!

Good grief. There are teams in the NFL that don't have defenses this good.

Go Punter.

Shut 'em down.

What was that?

Look out now...the Gators are on the move.



Those were points they just fumbled away.


Punt that ball!

Gillisllee is chimpping away at it...he'll break eventually.

Why Driskle Why???

Great stop at the end. This game should at least be tied.

Gators 0 LSU 6

There you go baby...North and South...North and South.

Right back where we were...field position and defense.


Here comes Gillisillee baby...he's sneaky like that.

There's not gonna be anybody left on LSU's team if this keeps up.

Tack another 15 on it.

Finally using their speed against 'em...come on y'all.




Wait...hold that crap...that looks like a fumble.

Gator BALL.

Gillissillee running WILD!


The Gators are droppin' the hammer like a blacksmith right now.

One quarter to go...the Gators haven't given up a point in the 4th quarter all year.

Gators 7 - LSU 6

Half the distance to the goal.



The Gators are a steamroller right now.

Just one play. They're back on 'em again now.

Nine minutes....which in football times is like an hour.

Gillissillee down hill....that's the headline.

Burn that clock....burn it down.

D####! 5:43 til victory.

In com pleeeetion.  Punt y'all...Punt.


4th and 15....4th DOWN and 15!

Beautiful Punt LSU...beautiful punt.

1:42 y'all....1 minute and 42 seconds. First down Gators.


:20...LSU has 20 seconds to score and pick up two point conversion.

:09...9 seconds



A couple of quotes

Florida Gator Head Coach Will Muschamp: 
''That was typical 1980 SEC right there today,'' Muschamp said. ''It was a physical, physical match. ... That's the difference between playing in this league and these other leagues you watch on TV. I know you guys like all these points being scored, but the quarterback won't make it through the season in our league.''

Defensive End Dominique Easley:
''Them boys was huffing and puffing,'' Easley said. ''I was looking in people's eyes and they were scared. That's what we wanted. We wanted to take somebody's will. We like to take people's will, not just win the game. Make them remember this night.''

...and it's a wrap.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

After the Millionth Time You'll Hate It Too

FSU brings 5,000 tubas to every away game...allowing each player to take the lead for the song at least one time. With Tennessee it's Rocy Top...non stop Rocky Top.

Datline: Knoxville Tennessee, Neyland Stadium

Home of the University of Tennessee Volunteers. The stadium seats well over 100,000 and has it's own navy.

Tonight it will be the scene of a crime as the Florida Gators rob Tennessee of all hope for a meaningful season.

Looks like they'll need to be more adjustments this weekend.

Stop Cryin' and punt the ball.

Gators 7 - Vols 0 
I am likely to have more rushing yards than Tennessee.
 IDIOT Umpire. I guess it's not enough to screw up the game with awful they want to get in on the action.
D&*^% IT!
Same fat a$$ that blocked the last Gator makes an atrocious pass interferance call.
Gators 7 - Vols 7. You still haven't rushed for positive yardage Vols.
BULL -----!
Could that play have developed any more slowly?
Darth Vader wears Alabama underoos. Alabama 58 - Arkansas...still trying to find their way to the stadium.
Cannin' some heat.
Keep 'em comin' morons.
B.S. penalty but I'm having a hard time giving a damn right now.
 This is how it's done Florida.
This is how the Gators used to do it....when they were truly representative of actual Floridians. Like my family and my ancestors who fought lincoln and his thugs while they were burning Oxford and Tuscaloosa. 
Touchdown Gators...touchdown Burton! 80 yards and a stiff arm.
Gators 20 - Vols 20
Interception by Elam. Time to put the hammer down.
Gillislee for about 50...he's a man.
Even with dampened spirits....WHAT A FREAKING CATCH!!!
Gators 27 - Vols 20
We love it when Tennessee recievers try to run before catching the ball.
We also love it when they cut their routes short of first down yardage.
Put this thing out of reach Gators.
They'd have been better off with a monkey pointing at the play book than they were with that call.
I ask again...has anybody seen the good Doctor tonight.
Gators up two touchdowns now...I'm not hearing Rocky Top for the first time all night.
Gators 34 - Vols 20
Gators 37 - Vols 20...that's 8 in a row.
One last note...I stepped out, barefoot, for a smoke right after the game and my legs were ravaged by misquitos....including on the top of my right foot and right ankle. Pure misery...prolly got the West Nile again.
It's a wrap...

Sorry about the Casio Opera soundtrack...just turn it down.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Yee Haw! Enter the 80's.

Look what I found yesterday... Photobucket I'm almost certain I got this as a present for my 7th birthday. That was the only real birthday party I had as a little kid. It's still got a lot of the pieces too. Photobucket Stuuuupid cops. One of the clearest memories I have from early childhood is seeing a commercial for the premiere of Dukes of Hazzard. There's a couple of reasons it sticks, I was at a friends house. He had a toy spaceship from Battle Star Galactica. It was an early one that shot plastic missiles. Recently a kid had choked to death on one of these missiles and the toy had been taken out of production. This was the horrific discussion, stamped forever into my six year old brain, that our parents were having when the commercial came on. The commercial momentarily wiped that out...and we come to the other reason why this moment sticks out...and replaced it with sever disappointment. I had heard there was going to be a show called Dukes of Hazzard and I had convinced myself that it was going to be a show with Knights and archers like Robin Hood. Crushed. It didn't take long to get over it though and of course, I loved the show. How could you not? I Am Somebody! I found this in the same box...Ha. Photobucket It had to be from a few years later...but, it's definitely early 80's. This is the flippin elementary education I received. Understand, I don't have a problem with Jesse. He's a con artist...and you can't hate the player. If individuals and corporations allow themselves to get got...that's on them. In full disclosure, I should point out that I have shaken the man's hand. It was in Indianapolis. It was in a hospital where Maze's mother worked and Jesse was going through the halls shaking hands.* "Mahh Frrrriendah"...that's what he said as he reached out to grab my hand. Sweetest of all...I was wearin' an Elvis T-Shirt that had a Confederate Battle Flag as a background. I bought the shirt at a leftwing hangout...a punk rock record shop...obviously a different time. Blueeeeeeee.....Orrrrrrrrrrrrange...Blueeeeee.....Orrrrrrrrrange! Then there was true obsession then as now... Photobucket If you look closely you can see a Bulldog being swept up in a Blue and Orange tornado. It's hard to explain just how much I hated the Georgia Bulldogs at this time in my life...almost as much as the Seminoles but, the Gators were beating FSU like a drum at this time. Georgia made clowns of 'em every year. Obviously that was long time ago...b****es. The only actual art teacher I ever had was at Sable Palm Elementary. I'm not positive but I think her name was Ms. Robertson. She had red curly hair and glasses. She was always in a checked shirt and faded jeans...and nike tennis shoes. She was cool and even at that age I remember thinking she was young..and she was compared to the other teachers I had. She had a turn table in the class...always the Lovin' Spoonful. I actually learned things in that least I remember things I was told in the class. For instance, did you know that the reason why many portraits from early American history are so goofy lookin is because they were done by house painters trying to stay busy in the winter? I don't know if it's true or not...but, I remember it. She was great and like I said...the only real art teacher I ever had. Anyway... *This was the same week that Mike Tyson was charged with raping a lady in Indianapolis...there was a Black Expo or something going on there that week. I'll fix the pictures later. If anybody knows why the new blogger won't recognize paragraphs that would be helpful too.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

This One is Personal

If Gerogia are Communist Jihadis, what does that make florida state? Well...they aren't quite as bad as penn state but, that's about as far as I'll go.


I spent the first 13 years of my life in Tallahassee...10 minutes from the campus of florida State. You won't find a bigger bunch of fair-weather, front running, losers on the planet.


We were at the game in 2007. When I say we...I mean me, Martha and, though we didn't know it at the time...the Boy. He's been a Gator since the womb.


We went through a bushel of raw oysters before the game...which might explain some of The Boy's wacky behavior. That's me shucking'... just before we headed to the stadium and I...allegedly...placed myself in the middle of brawl so I could take a swing at one of these f$u clowns.

I just haaaaaaaaaate f$u...that's all.

On your a*** b....!!

I can hear they've brought their 75 tubas with 'em.

Brantley...GO AWAY!!

I don't care about the personal foul...hit him again.

Gators 0 - dirt bags 7

Get Brantley out of there.

The defense is stout...maybe they can score.

First Down!


Way to go John you jerk...0 - 14

Interception number three...can we please put this precious jack-ass on the bench??

You can't ask anything more of the defense...

Great...downed on the one. Now maybe brantly can get the pick six he's been trying for all night.

Thank goodness for these freshmen.

There you go.

There you don't go...this is pathetic.

As bad as the offense has looked the defense has been lights out. Brantly's the only reason the crimenoles have scored.

See you John...china doll.

That looks bad. Just an extremely dangerous least he moved his arms.

The Boy is very concerned about the injury. After we told him an ambulance was taking the player away...he wanted to know if the poleese were going to show up. I told him the poleese were always on hand when f$u comes to town.

Another three and out...f$u has less than 40 yards of offense. But thanks to Brantly they have 14 points.

Defense moved 'em backwards again.

The defense is ferocious...offense is....not.


Usual cheap crap from the crimenoles.

If the defense doesn't score we're done for.

Did you see that...a first down.

Stuffed 'em again...too bad you don't get points for defense.

First down...

Hammond has to catch that.

Brisset is going to be a great quarterback but...for now he's still a freshman.

Gators 0 - f$u 21 without moving the ball at all.

We've got an SEC defense and a SCAC offense...only if they were a SCAC offense they'd be making smarter decisions.

12 plays of negative yards by the Gators.

There goes Rainey. The Boy is adamant that he needs to go to the hospital too.

The crimenoles still have less than 100 yards in the game. Geez

Gators stoned 'em. Backed 'em up 12 yards but, now what? The offense couldn't move the ball against Messer Park Pee Wee.


It's something at least. Maybe they can get three and not get shut out for the first time since 88.

Looks like they might score exactly the same way f$u has...turnover and penalties.

What a catch...TOUCHDOWN.

Gators 7 - f$u 21.

Onside attempt...nope.

Body slam 'im again.

Especially if they're too stupid to leave it alone.

One more snap...

That was disgusting.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Hope You Don't Land on Your Whatchyamacallit Larry.

Praise for the Georgia Bulldogs doesn't come easy fact under normal circumstances it doesn't come at all but, the death of Legend is not a normal occurrence.

Larry Munson died of complications due to pneumonia yesterday. From 1966 to 2008, he was the voice of Bulldog football...the voice of Georgia. He was the most partisan, biased, irrational caller that ever got behind a microphone. The games turned him into an emotional wreck...just like the fans. Maybe the fact that he was born in Minnesota accounted for his fanaticism...a constant need to prove his loyalty to the team, the state, the region. However it started, whatever caused was genuine and he was the greatest that there will ever be. Period. A Legend among Legends in a league full of them.

All my people are from Georgia (some of 'em are even Bulldogs. Right SKIPPY?). We were back there in September of 08 to bury my Grandmaw. As usually happens whenever there's 3 or more family members and Daddy ended up in the car together. As we left Alma headed out 32 to my grandparent's place we listened to Georgia play some nobody. It didn't matter. I was listening to Larry Munson. He didn't care that they were playing a nobody either...every play was life or death for him. It was comforting.

Course he wasn't always a comfort. This one isn't a distant memory to me. Whenever it plays I'm seven years's a recurring heartbreak but, it is, without doubt, the greatest call ever.

It's been posted but...

Rest in Peace Larry.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

The Old Ball Coach - South Carolina

This is probably the toughest game on the Schedule to deal with.

After the 2001 season, Steve Spurrier...resigned as head coach of the Florida Gators to peruse a coaching job in the National Football League. Spurrier wasn't just any coach. He had been a quarterback at Florida and until 1996, the only Gator to win the Hiesman Trophy. He was hired on the last day of 1989 to coach his alma mater and spent the next 11 years revolutionizing the SEC and turning Florida into a force of nature. He is the Greatest Gator of Them All.

Florida had never won an SEC Title when Spurrier took over*...he won six in 11 years. In 1996 he lead the team to it's first ever National Championship. They've never looked. Bear Bryant referred to Florida as a sleeping was Spurrier that woke Em up.

He was a phenomenon...people loved him and loved to hate him.


Darth Visor, Steve Superior and wryly The Ole Ball..."I'm just an ole ball coach." He wasn't the lovable grandfatherly figure that eats ice cream with fans, who's touted for doing things "the right way," while enabling child molesters...but, he ran a clean program and he was a winner.

"They can call us sore me arrogant, a crybaby. Whatever...they're not callin' us losers any more."

The day he left was devastating...but nobody had a cross word to say about him. When he took over the Washington Redskins...we all became Redskin fans. It didn't help though. His tenure in Washington was a failure.

When he left the Skins there was hope that he would back as coach of the Gators. His replacement was fired that same year. Probably for the best, it didn't happen. Florida hired Urban Meyer and Spurrier, with a promise of membership at Augusta National, took over at South Carolina.

Now every year he coaches against the team that he still calls his own. Half the time when he asked about the Gators he refers to them as "we" and "us." Not today. Today he's the opposing coach...he's gotta be beaten but, it's not easy to watch or root for.

*At least officially...though Daddy still keeps a Pepsi-cola bottle on his shelf that say's otherwise.

Florida 3 - South Carolina 7

Florida 3 - South Carolina 14

South Carolina had never won anything before Steve Spurrier. Last year they won the East and played in the SEC Championship game...they were favored this year to win the East again. It's not lookin' good for the Gators.

For our, newest reader'....Spurrier's finest moment in The Swamp. The year before, 1996, the Gator's beatened the Seminoles in the National Championship's game. In 1997 the Seminoles came to Gainesville undefeated. All they had to do was beat the underdog's Gators...and they were headed to the National Championship's game again.

It was my last night in Germany and I broke danced on my buddy's floor.

Florida 6 - South Carolina 14

Gators are moving the ball.

Florida 12 (they scored a touchdown...failed on the two point conversion) - South Carolina 17 (field goal)

Y'all are gonna be on your own for the rest of the game...I gotta get goin'.

Hold on. There's only a minute forty seconds to go. I can wait for that. South Carolina's got the ball at mid field and they just picked up a first down. Florida's got to somehow get the ball back.

48 seconds left...SC is punting.

SACK...ball game.

Florida 12 - South Carolina 17

He should have left Brisset in.

If Georgia loses to Auburn tonight...South Carolina goes to Atlanta.

Monday, October 31, 2011


For amusement purposes only.

I'll be on the road again here in a minute or two...back to the Gulf Coast.

Lightening strike 028

Those of you who are regular readers should have some grasp...loose grasp anyway...on my tendencies by now.

How many cups of coffee will I drink on the way down today...more or less than 8?

How many scatological outburst will I have in the car today because I'm thinking about what happened in Jacksonville (the flippin Georgia game) this weekend...more or less than 4?


How much money will I lose to the Kitty Glitter penny slot machine at Boom Town Casino...more or less than 18 bucks?

How much will I be ahead on the slots before I promptly give it all back...more or less than 20 bucks?

How many packs of smokes will I go through in the next three days...more or less than 3?
(Remember I'll be in the casino...and the Gators wet their pants this weekend against Georgia)

How many times will I have to turn the radio on a Led Zepplin or Rush song...more or less than 12 times?

How many times will I turn the radio on a Led Zepplin or Rush song before I start cursing at the radio every time it happens...more or less than once?

How many times will I hear the greatest song evar - Hunka Burnin' Love by Elvis...more or less than twice?

How many times will I hear Thriller by Micheal Jackson on the way down...more or less than 6?

How many cops will I see on the way down...more or less than 12?

How many tickets will I get on the way down...more or less than 1?

How many Tato-Nut Donuts will I eat...more or less than 8?

slidell 007

Lastly, how many people will actually read this post...more or less than 5?

Feel free to share your reasoning with us.

Saturday, October 29, 2011


So far so good.

God fearin', red-blooded Gators 7 - Communist wing of the Taliban 0.

That's where it stands at the end of the 1st quarter...with Georgia in the red-zone.

7 - 3.


14 - 3. That's what the fastest man in America looks like at 75%.

Don't wimper off yet...mangy dawgs.

It wouldn't have been good against anyone else...hahahaha.

17 - 3.

All-American kicker....but it's still wide right. Hahahaha.

D#%#^ it

They give 'Em that one.

17 - 10.

Brantly's issues are a little disconcerting. He's a statue...a collapsable statue...back there. Hopefully they're setting them up for something to deal with the blitz.

That's a win forth defense.

Braced for the usual third quarter surge from Georgia.

What the...they look hapless.

Another three and out...but more dreadful field position.

##%#^€€¥€£....gotta bow up now.

17 - 17

Florida's about to attempt another field goal with a kicker that's not even on the depth chart.


20 - 17

I think Gary's right Georgia should keep running the ball up the middle.

That was a good stop.

Now come on Walsh I know you can miss this one too.


Still...20 - 17.

What a crock of s***!!!

No Gary you babbling moron you don't have to give it to the Georgia oline you have to give to the ref that kept the drive alive.

20 - 24 Georgia and the pass interference.

What was that? Who could he possibly been trying to throw the ball to?

The Defense is gonna have to pick up some points here...they have to.

Three and out is good was that doody poot punt.

Why for the love of cupcakes why would they try to run the ball up the middle. They better fake's the only chance they've got.

Here we go.

That's it you block the punt.

35 yards y'all.

They went backwards. They'll stop 'em again but then what??????

That was about as awful as it gets.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

War Gator!

For the first time in ten years me and Daddy won't be in the stands at Auburn for the Florida / Auburn game...

"Yeah," says Martha, "maybe they'll win this time."

That's cold.

As hilarious as that was it wasn't the funniest thing that was said this afternoon.

"Alabama fans," according The Sister, a Mississippi State alum, "are horrid trailer trash" was the real funny.

Anyway...6:39 to go in the 1st quarter...0-0.

What a bunch of crap...typical crap at Auburn.

0-7 Auburn and the Referees.

3-7 auburn's still winnin the football game but losing the wrastlin match.

No GOOD Clowns.



Wide Left...losers.


6-14 Cow College


6-17 Auburn.

Next up a bye week....maybe they can win that.


As referenced in the comments...listen close you can hear Gloson's ankles snapping.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Geaux Gators!

This...high on what we're dealing with today.

Where Alabama is methodical and aggressive...LSU is insane and hyper-aggressive.

At least the Gators have a quarterback who's never started a football before.

24 minutes and counting.

There is one won't be Saturday night. It'll be Saturday afternoon and that matters in Baton Rouge.

That was 24 minutes not counting whatever time it takes to get through the JP game.

Oh for the love of cupcakes....who is Jacoby Brisset???? Never even taken a snap!

First time ever at Florida a true freshman has taken his first snap as the starting quarterback.

That took all of two plays.

0-7 LSU

0-14 LSU

If you were generous you could call it signs of life...of course there's nothing a cat loves more than signs of life.

LSU's got a flipping Austrailian punting the ball...dropped that thing on the five yard line like nine iron.

What a stoopid rule...but, we don't have choice we'll take it. Sorry Mate.

He should have been flagged for the fruitiness of the celebration anyway.

Insanity surrounds that sideline...lives there like a house pet.


Make up calls.


There you go.

Oh yeah...0-17 LSU. At least for the next 30 seconds.


Don't anybody move...they're moving the ball.

11 seconds...thanks to Milesian clock management.

3 - 24 LSU

30 more minutes to go. go

Hammond was as wide open as it is possible to be and still be on the field...sad.

3-27 LSU.

11-27 Clowns. Brisset...the name's Brisset.

Ha ha yeah real funny....hahahah...I'm in stitches over here. %#%##+#+#^#>~%#>#%#><*#£#£,+~'fm

11-34 LSU

Freakish athletes...freakish

Why are they punting


That's supper.

Up next Arkansas v Auburn...Georgia v Tennessee.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Work Em Silly!!!!!!

They got in the end zone faster than I could get to the blog!

7 - 0 Mighty Gators

Richardson is a grown man.

Go on getchya kicker out there.

7 - 3

Burnt yo A** AGaIn!


That one's comin back came back


10 - 3

They workin' Kirkpatrick...he don't look so tough this Saturday.


There's a victory...he only got a yard on that one

Gary say's McCarron has no stage fright....maybe not but that's the second time the crowd has caused a time out

2nd and goal

What bare they gonna do with this cat?

10 - 10

I don't know if getting Demps in space is going to do much more than keep Bama on their toes...nobody tackles better than these clowns

Keep Blitzing B******es

Flippin Upshaw! :x

UPSHAW again....dadgummit

10 - 17 Bama on a freak interception.

0 yards rushing for the Gators. They are gonna have to figure out how to get behind that defense...somehow. There's no getting around those tackles...and they ain't big enough to run anybody over.

There's a stop

That's just stoopid good on their part


Third down....

This thing is teetering

It takes a full blown rugby scrum to stop this clown

Punt Bama Punt

That was Bull ****

10 - 24 Bama

This is their first real moment of the season...


That's it...that's it

Brantley got the fumble seem to be the only one confused about it.

Well if they don't have somebody serviceable behind Brantley...

I'm just gonna say it...I want to punch Upshaw in the neck. Sue me.

Bad as it's been...that interception was the killer. They can't run the ball but, they've been able to throw it and you cannot count Demps and Rainey out...Bama Can't send everybody without opening themselves up. They do seem to be getting as many bodies as they can on Richardson.

Pick six is what is called for...Do It Clowns.

Y'all ready...

10 - 24 Bama start of second half

Drisckle looks like he's trying to swallow the first bite of his last meal sitting there on the sideline

That's a loss clowns

What a crock of -----. They stopped Em anyway.


Half of my posts are not's only the really brilliant analysis that is being zapped. Blogger is a fan of the Borg...figures.

That's two stops...but will they see Bama's end of the field again tonight. I cannot stress the obvious enough...points on defense are what is needed.


That's another stop...can they at least get the ball to mid field?

That was a legend move.

In case you didn't know they have to stop em

If this thing is going to go --- over ---- this is the start of it.



10 - 31 The Borg

The stage is truly set for a legend to Chesty Puller said, " they can't get away from us now...they've got us surrounded."

The Gators are going to end this game with half a quarterback...and immediately start getting ready for LSU.

10 - 5,000,000 the Borg

If Muschamp is truly an SEC Coach...and I believe that he is...Bama will pay for this at some point in the future.

At least Driskle is getting some experience...

You hear that? Rammer Jammer in the Swamp...I want to puke.

P.S. Mel Kiper Jr. has Richardson as his obvious front runner for the Heismen...there gonna have to come up with a new set of awards and goals for the rest of college football.

Here it all it's hideousness.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Adam Between the Hedges

We are getting tantalizingly close to the opening day of the season...the first of twelve precious games. In the meantime we've got some business to sort out. Originally I had thought about lettin' y'all choose your own teams but, why fight against every tyrannical fiber in my being when I can just assign teams by fiat?

So, Adam you get Georgia...the Georgia (White English) Bulldogs.*

A little GunsnRoses to ease you into it. At the 2:50 mark...Sweeeet Caroline!

Their Southern credentials are untouchable. They got the money...they got the fans...they got the's the Empire State of The South baybay! They've got Tradition... the hedges, Larry Munson...The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party and they're one half of The Deep South's Oldest Rivalry.

As a clincher, only at Ole Miss will you find more fashionable fans (ironically the worst dressed reader...I mean beyond bad...already has Ole Miss. He's got a graduate degree from the place...Dr. Allan). You can finally break those red chinos out of the closet Adam.

Only drawback is they have rarely lived up to their potential. Given the allocation of resources Georgia not Alabama** should be the Bell Cow of the SEC but for various and whatever reasons it has not been the case. The fact that they've only beaten the Gators, who they used to own with heartbreaking regularity, three times in the last 20 years has not helped.

Their oldest rival may be Auburn and they've got a heated one with Georgia Tech in Atlanta but, it's this game with the Gators that matters the most...matters more than anything else. Pitting me against you...we've been there before :).

Should you accept this have to begin all posts concerning the SEC by stating that "Gators Wear Jean Shorts." It's a reference to the atrocious wardrobe of most Gator fans.***

*This is all very tongue and cheek...obviously you don't have to participate but, why fight it when it's so much fun and there will be so many opportunities to talk trash...why would you pass that up? Plus there's going to be a lot of it here in the coming months..and I just want to give y'all a reason to still log on (that won't be all there is but, it'll show). And there will be give aways...for the person with the first and last team in each division and something special for the "fan" of the team that wins the conference. Probably an autographed screen shot of me flexing my muscles for the blog.

** Speaking of we have a reader from Yorkshire?

*** It's a universal taunt in the SEC now...I'll never forget walking to the car after a loss to Auburn, being harassed by a fella jumping up and down on the roof of his truck waving a pair of cutoffs around. This isn't the funniest taunt though...LSU Fans Smell Like Corndogs...takes that prize.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Hottie Totties and Cold Couscous

In 31 days we'll push the screen door open and step out onto the front porch. Our former lives, which at that point will seem dull and dingy by comparison, will be transformed into a techinicolor world of singing, dancing, adventure and intrigue...High Drama.

It's a world that runs on bourbon, and the vapors of smoking hogs. Ladies it's time to go shopping for a new sun dress. Fellas you may need to get a new tie and if you're in Baton probably need to do both.

Half of y'all know exactly what I'm talking about...and the other half, by now, can probably guess....

For those of you who can only guess (Brits, minus Adam, and the odd...very odd yankee cough:mazesandgarylurker:cough), you are being you're being participate in what is probably the greatest spectacle in all of sport* - The Southestern Conference football season. The S-E-C.

Over the next month were gonna talk about the game...try and deal with certain elements that are troubling to our overseas friends like pads, the stops and starts, the clock, etc. Talk about the history of college football and The SEC in particular. Give an overview of each team and what will be required of you once you've decided which team you'll be backing. That's right you gotta pick a team to follow so I can berate you every week when the Gators destroy them.

There's only one rule. For those of you who reflexively love the underdog...first one that picks Vanderbilt has 'em all to their self.

Go Gators, Roll Tide, War Eagle, Go State! Go State!, Call the's time.

*I was in Germany when England and Germany played in the European Cup to penalty kicks...only thing that I've personally witnessed that compares. It makes sense...because these games are at least nominally played between states. The animosity and passion that attends these games is more like that between European and British Isle national teams than professional American sports. The NFL has it's passionate fans but the teams are not as wrapped up with identity as these College teams are.

The NFL Tennessee Titans play in a stadium that holds just under 69,000. The University of Tennessee Volunteers play in a stadium that holds over 100,000.

I know there's that world cup thing every four years...I know but, since our "overseas" readers are really English readers...well you know...

EDIT: Let me save Mazes the trouble...

Vid belongs to ESPN/ABC

Monday, July 4, 2011

Do Not Feed the Alligators.

Gulf Shores 010

A little late for that. This joker sees a person he hears a dinner bell and makes a bee line. That's the problem with feedin' 'em.

When I was a kid we spent a lot of weekends at St. Marks Wildlife Refuge in Florida.


We would use these tiny little brine shrimp as bait for fishing. Scoop 'em up with hand nets from the pool where that picture was taken. It didn't take long for the gators to appear. You'd dip your net in the water and a head would pop up as you pulled it out...Some bigger and more disturbing than others.

I wonder how much of this The Sister remembers. I know she remembers the time that a bull gator growled at us. I bet she remembers me riding all the way back to Tallahassee with a three inch splinter in my big toe picked up during our frantic run across a wooden bridge to get as far away from that sound as possible.

What? Yeah. We were barefoot...of course we were.

Anyway, like I said I never could catch any fish at that, I crabbed. Tie a chicken neck to the end of a string, throw in the water, give it a minute, pull it out...crabs. The problem is gators like chicken necks too. It doesn't take 'em long to associate people with food...humans cause hunger pangs. That's when an otherwise disinterested creature becomes an eater of dogs and small don't feed the gators! Last time we were there, crabbing had been banned.

Don't worry about feeding the snakes...

Gulf Shores 2 051

They seem to be managing.

Satan's hand-puppet there is no bigger round than your index finger. He's devouring a an excruciating pace. The frog was starting to balloon. We looked for something long enough to catch and fling the snake over to the snuff out that little devil and put the poor frog out of his misery but we couldn't. Beastly.

Nature's a &*^&^%%%(**&^^! You won't find any more passionate conservationists than you will in The South...hunting and fishing are so deeply engrained in the culture...but, you won't find a lot of support for abstract, misty eyed concerns about the "environment."

When your towns aren't being erased by're dodging tornadoes, gators, and snakes. The Sister knows two little boys that have been bitten by Cotton Mouths, one in the backyard, the other in his own garage, this year...terrible. Sometimes around here it seems like a fight...and not a fair one (ask the folks in Tuscaloosa).

Don't wanna be overly dramatic about it...we aren't struggling to least not most of the time :).

Gulf Shores 007

Most of the time it's just a beautiful place.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Ha Ha Haa Ha Haaaaa

Mighty Gators 34 - flea biters 31 (in overtime)

As you can read...Georgia fans have turned whining about this game into an art form.

They've had a lot of practice in the last 20 years.

EDIT: I tried to link an article, or summary of excuses, from Dawgsports, but I'm an internet moran. Here's the long and the short of it.

1. He didn't want to say anything before the game, but he knew the loss was coming.


2. The Gators are the luckiest team ever and the Universe hates the Bulldogs (prolly).

3. The bulldogs gave the game away with turnovers. I'm not sure when turnovers became the sole responsibility of the offense...I'm sick of hearing this one.
a. Turnovers are part of the game...nobody tracks games you would've won if you hadn't turned the ball over.
b. More often than not the ball is taken away...not turned over...that's why they're also called take aways.

4. It's the red-shirt freshman Quarterback's fault.

5. Moral victory..."at least we didn't get blown out this year"...nobody, except losers, tracks these either.

6. The coach and his staff suck (yeah sorta).

7. Same ole crap about the Gators having the week off before the game...can they not find somebody at Georgia who knows how to read a calender and schedule their bye-week accordingly?

8. See point 5.

9. See point 5....Geeeze.

10. Rainey's a thug.

The official Flimsy Cups response?


Something that Matters

About thirty minutes from now the Florida Gators and the Georgia Bulldogs will get down for the 88th time...(that's right mutts 88th)...for the climax of the Worlds Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.

Half a Hundred, The Celebration, The Time Out, The Time Outs, Fourth and Dumb, Run Lindsay Run....

One of the greatest calls of all time...from one of the greatest announcers. My first football heartbreak and the one that still stings the most.

Is Georgia really that much better with AJ Green? Is Florida really as bad as they looked two weeks ago?

It's always Great to be a Florida Gator...we'll see how much fun it is here in a minute or two.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Post #7

Seersucker pants, so I've been informed by a stylish woman who would know, are meant to be other words, it's OK to wear a shirt that isn't blue or white with them.

I think it's a ploy by my wife to get me to wear this green shirt that she likes...cause I asked about a check shirt once, and the overall look on her face was one of amusment, but in her eyes I could see a twinkling desire to smack me for bein' a hassel.

I think the blogs turnin' out like that...I've gone out in public wearin' a checked shirt and seersucker October. She hasn't smacked me, but she has made some casual suggestions, in the way that only a wife can, about topics for the blog. "Now that" would be a good thing to write about kind of thing.

Do y'all really want to hear about my humiliation with a seven year old LSU fan on Sunday morning at Church?


I thought I was gonna miss him. J.C. had the nursery so I went to the early service, and the little Tiger doesn't show up til 9:30 giving me just enough time to get clear of the place...except that I had forgotten to deliver some diaper boxes into the nursery (I'm still not clear on why I was asked to do this...but that's life as a husband)...took just long enough for me to be standing in the parking lot when his Momma's minivan pulled up.

Who knows how his tiny little face covered an entire window with teeth. He never said a word as he got out...just stood in front of me with his hands in his pockets grinin'. He was wearin' sandals. I coulda stomped on his toes, but we were in the Church parking just wasn't the place.

I'll catch 'im on the street eventually.