Don't act like y'all don't know where we be neither.

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Showing posts with label naked at Walmart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label naked at Walmart. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Before Carrying On


Road Life 013

Somewhere on 49 S between Camp Shelby and Wiggins I heard a thumping sound for a second...followed by a flopping sound...then a grinding sound.

It's a horrible sound anytime you've got a steering wheel in your hand but on 49 it's particularly dreadful. It's the main highway between Jackson and The Coast...and it has no shoulder. I ground along, the pit in my stomach getting bigger, until I came to a little bridge with just enough room to pull the car over on level ground with about 2 foot between it and the highway.

First I had to find the jack...which turned out to 8" tall...who the...the car is barely 8" off the ground when the tires are inflated. So between packs of cars screaming by at 70 miles an hour...I would dash out and try to find a place to put the jack. It was my left front tire...which in the U.S. puts it right out there in traffic. Just I had finally found a place to jam the jack in, a very nice couple pulled up behind me with a scissor jack and we got it knocked out.

I would have gotten the car jacked up and would've gotten tire off without BUT, I would never in a million years have gotten the spare off if they hadn't been there. It involved a rod with a square end, a tiny hidden hole and a cable. All I can say is thank God they showed up. I'd probably still be there now propped up under a pine, gnawin' on a piece of frozen chicken, throwin' rocks at cars.

There was a Kangaroo station just up the road...I pulled in to get air in the spare and change my britches. They were filthy. Once a gain, my glamorous life on the road had me half-naked in a public restroom.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Post #19

I need a personal assistant...and not just because it would be cool.

I need one.

I'm on the road a motel room. I'm pretty handy with these places. I know how to get all the lights on (if you think that's a snap you haven't stayed in many of these rooms)...know how to deal with fickle ac units...I can make an actual potable cup of coffee with the packets they leave for you on the bathroom sink.

What I can't do is pack for these trips. I'm just incapable of getting out of the house with everything I need. It's always something...razor, toothbrush, wallet...this morning it's grey socks.

I got a pair of pressed charcoal slacks and some brown socks. I know how it happened. I was wearin' tan britches when I packed yesterday...and packin clothes is just not the kinda thing that's ever gonna get my full attention. In the morning I look at my britches while I'm gettin' a pair of socks...simple. It works well for that day...not so well for the next.

I ended up buck naked from the waist down in a Walmart bathroom in Alabama once because of distracted packing. I had a pair of seersucker pants and had packed some RED boxers...that was a no go. Two things that don't work with seersucker boxers and going without. I didn't have a choice...I had to find some drawers and I didn't have time to go out and come back. I had a sales pitch to give in an hour. So, thirty minutes later, and thirty minutes before tryin' to sell 100 thousand dollars worth of software, I was standing in a Walmart bathroom puttin' on a fresh pair of boxers.

I gotta go find a pair of socks...pity I don't have somebody to send out for 'em.