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Showing posts with label speeding tickets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label speeding tickets. Show all posts

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Canal Buuuuullll-uhhhhh-vaaaard - A Devious Turn

I'm claiming victory over the po-leese.

It's costing me 110 bucks. It's worth every penny. Obviously they've decided that no man among them, even if they could find one, can catch me.

They've had to resort to unmanned predator drones to follow my every move.

Thursday night, I got a letter from the City of New...processed in ohio by the way...they got yankees doing their dirty work. "Evidently" I was speeding. There's a picture of the truck, on Canal Boulevard, passing a speed limit sign that reads 20....absolutely no indication of the speed at which I was driving when the picture was took.

They tried this crap in Mississippi and it went over about as well as you would expect in these parts. Inanimate objects cannot issue tickets in this state. An actual human being has to catch you doing something.

Punks, should have just sent a white handkerchief in the mail.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Post #21



For those keeping score that's two speeding tickets in three weeks. I got one back in June, but I didn't have a blog back then so that one doesn't count. Before anybody starts...and you know who you the last three weeks I have driven over 2600 miles.

How many trips to the club or drop offs at the Day School is that?

So really it's not quite as outrageous as it sounds...besides there's no way I was doin' 70 miles an hour. The Trooper made that up. I know I wasn't drivin that fast because I kept havin' to slow down and dodge cars that were passing on double lines (where was dudley doright then)'s real hilly where I was (between Calhoun City and Grenada...that's Gre-Nay-duh in Mississippi). People get impatient. You can see 'em up ahead passing and then they disappear behind the hill you're getting ready to top...and there's no shoulders on these roads. and him'll be talkin' about it in court.

Of course, that means I'll have to go to court twice...because when your accuser is the po-leese they don't have to be there for the actual court date...they get a mulligan.

Flippin' cops.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Post # 18

One of the highlights during my visit up north occurred yesterday on the way home. I got a speeding ticket in illinios.

"Is thrrrr-uh sammm-uh particulaaaar-uh reason-uh yah werrrr-uh drr-eye-ving-uh at-ah such ex-cess-ivuh speeed-uh?"

Have a look around should be pulling people over who aren't speeding. If they're takin' their time leavin' this miserable place they probably aren't sound enough mentally to be driving.

Is there some reason why you're talkin' to me through your nostrils?

I'll tell you...if you tell me how it became your childhood dream to hassel people along a miserable stretch of highway in this *** forsaken part of the country.

But, he hadn't written the ticket yet...and after a long tempting pause...

"Just tryin' to get back to Mississippi." I explained while handin' him my proof of insurance and driver's license.

"Doooow ya-ah knoooooooow-uh haaaw-uh fhhast ya-ah wrrrr-uh dr-eye-ving?"

"No sir...not really."

"Well-uh, Eye'm-uh gunnuh haaavuh ta wr-eye-t ya-ah a c-eye-taaa-sseeuhn..EARRR-ICK."

ERIK? Seriously? Erik?

Who in the h*** was this clown to be callin' me Erik?

For real..Erik?

We'd never laid eyes on one another before...and even though he's a cop he can't be so stupid as to believe I ever want to see him again.


I guess in the land of lincoln it's quite alright to talk to someone you don't know by their first name...even when conducting official business.

Anyway he wrote the ticket and told us to "haavuh a guuuduh daaayuh."

"Yeah ha too fella."

Just in case I'd heard wrong...I turned to Martha and asked.

"Did that yankee call me by my first name?"

She had a look on her face that I haven't seen since we used to have a cat box in the house..."Uh yeah...he did."'s a 140 bucks. Which would have been money well spent if we had been able to speed through the lenght of the state. Sadly we were still 100 miles from the Mississippi River...we had to crawl the rest of the way...people zoomin' by us the whole time with those hideous license plates.

I hope they spend the money wisely 'cause it's the last flippin dime they're gonna get from me in illinios for a very long time.