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Friday, October 28, 2011

Ramshackle Operation...Obviously

I thought I was hitting the save button and hit the publish button. Here's a glimpse into the rough draft state of my mind I guess.

Feel free to finish the partial sentences anyway you like...and I'll put them in the body of the post.

I'd actually almost decided against putting this thing up. What a goofball!



There are nine styrofoam coffee cups in the floorboard of my truck and one in each of the three cup holders. That's a day's work and a drive from Pascagoula to Jackson.

I need more cup holders. At least twice a day I get in the car with a cup of coffee only to find the holders full of half drank cups. Flying down the interstate at 80 miles an hour, steering and holding a hot cup of coffee in one hand while trying to pour all that old coffee in to one cup with the other...so I can throw the two empties into the floor board...is harder than it sounds.
I spill a lot of coffee.

Since I left on Tuesday I've eaten at least one meal a day out of a gas station...including supper last night. I spend my life going from one gas station to another. Places I'd passed a hundred times on my way to the Coast or New Orleans have become regular

I spent yesterday riding with someone and I kept setting his car alarm off. A lot of the stops we made didn't require services...but we amused ourselves by masquerading as State Service Inspectors, carrying out spot-checks on restroom cleanliness and bathroom-tissue density. When a particularly alarmed and diligent Assistant Manager offered to eat his lunch off the floor of the restroom to prove its cleanliness, we realised we'd gone too far. After that, we drove along in silence, apart from his car alarm which continued to activate every time I moved my right elbow."

I spent yesterday riding with someone and I kept setting his car alarm off. A lot of the stops we made didn't require services...

Can I get you a coffee?

No, that's really kind of you but I read it's - toxicological speaking - bad for you.

Really? I read that turning down the offer of a coffee on the basis of studies that parade their "scientific" credibility in terms of unrepresentative statical samples, while ignoring the fact that the game of snap does not constitute a law-like relationship between cause and effect, kinda makes you the statistical type who ends up serving coffee, rather than ordering it.

I'll just have water.

Water is not a drink, it's a mixer at best.

6 comments:

  1. Sentence 4."...but we amused ourselves by masquerading as State Service Inspectors, carrying out spot-checks on restroom cleanliness and bathroom-tissue density. When a particularly alarmed and diligent Assistant Manager offered to eat his lunch off the floor of the restroom to prove its cleanliness, we realised we'd gone too far. After that, we drove along in silence, apart from his car alarm which continued to activate every time I moved my right elbow."

    ReplyDelete
  2. Isn't this fun?

    This may turn out to be a winner after all.

    I have to tell you though...I was in a couple of kitchens yesterday that I would be afraid to go to the bathroom in. Yikes.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Can I get you a coffee?

    No, that's really kind of you but I read it's - toxicological speaking - bad for you.

    Really? I read that turning down the offer of a coffee on the basis of studies that parade their "scientific" credibility in terms of unrepresentative statical samples, while ignoring the fact that the game of snap does not constitute a law-like relationship between cause and effect, kinda makes you the statistical type who ends up serving coffee, rather than ordering it.

    I'll just have water.

    Water is not a drink, it's a mixer at best.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I may print that comment out and pin it on my wall.

    ReplyDelete
  5. no play-by-play for the cocktail party???!???

    what the h***!

    in any case, i _will_ print off that comment and put it on my wall.

    why, you may ask? b/c anything's got to be better than watching brantley standing in the pocket only to get sacked. THROW THE BALL, FOOL!

    ReplyDelete