Blessings

I stopped at one of my favorite accounts today. I'd arranged to meet a sales rep there but he was runnin' late so I just went on in to talk with the owner until he got there.

The owner's a big fella...over six foot tall with a frame like an offensive lineman. Even though his belly's as big around as his shoulders are broad...he's light on his feet. Got hands as big as an elephant's foot and when he grabs your's to shake it there's a flicker of apprehension...does this fella know his own strength?

No need to worry. He does and he's in no hurry to use it. In fact, even though there's an air of enthusiasm to every move he makes, he don't get in a hurry about nothin'. Always smilin'...a smile that's big even for his head. Teeth the size of dominoes. His eyes are clear blue and and active.

"Hey mayne...whatchya got fow me today?"

He reached for my hand.

"Getchya some tey mayne...get somma this tey I'm sellin now."

Who turns down a glass of iced tea?

"Wadya got dere cokecola....at's dark mayne. 'At must be unsweet. 'At unsweet's stout. So, wha kinda goodies you got fow me?"

We sat down at a card table in the middle of the store and went through my bag. He set a few items aside, and without turning from me threw a thumb over his shoulder and said..."I'll have ta let my mayne here have a look at 'eese."

I looked behind him to see a little wiry fella comin on toward us....in a deliberate manner. He was already bending at the waist so he wouldn't have to when he got to the table. He quickly scanned the items and, with the manners of a short order cook, he snatched one up..."This 'ere...how much is is 'ere?"

I told him we'd have to wait on the rep for prices. They have some latitude in that area and the last thing I want to do is get in the way of a rep's nickel.

"Well wha 'bou' dis? How much," he stopped hisself, "the rep...I reckon we just talked abou'dat." he shook his head and smiled at me. It was a genuine smile but thin. He's a dark fella...dark hair and eyes that seemed stuck in a forward position. He's a good fella though...even if he did stare at everything.

A chorus of "Heys"..."'ere's the big man."

The rep settled in to take their order from the little fella with the stare. I nursed my tea and laughed at the owner as he greeted the ladies that came through his door. He'd lift the Alabama cap off his sandy curls..."hey there sugah...how you been?" A peroxide in movie star glasses had just pulled the door open and he was reaching for his cap again when we heard his man ask the rep about condensed milk.

The little fella had a crooked smile on his face and the owner chuckled.

"He don need no damned condensed milk. He's got three cases of it back there."

Obviously there was a story here but me and the rep didn't get a chance to ask before the owner, with a smile that didn't seem exactly Christian, says..."you need to take that milk over that church. They's makin holiday candy."

"Ain't gonna happen."

"What...the Lord'll bless you for it. You don won the Lord to bless you."

"Them people got inta me for some money." the expression on his face seemed intense but really it was hard to tell.

The expression on the owners face was pure mischief. This was obviously a well oiled wind up.

"Who's into you for money? The people or the Lord?"

The philosophical nature of the question threw the little fella and he stammered.

Still grinnin' like he'd eaten the last Twinkie, he asked again, "Don't You want the Lord to bless you?"

The little fella's head started bobblin'. He didn't know whether to nod it or shake it. He stared down at the table like that for a second then looked up, hit the table with his fists and said, "I'll just go BUY some candy and hand it out myself."

Hahaha problem solved.

That was my day.

Over/Under

For amusement purposes only.

I'll be on the road again here in a minute or two...back to the Gulf Coast.




Those of you who are regular readers should have some grasp...loose grasp anyway...on my tendencies by now.

How many cups of coffee will I drink on the way down today...more or less than 8?

How many scatological outburst will I have in the car today because I'm thinking about what happened in Jacksonville (the flippin Georgia game) this weekend...more or less than 4?



How much money will I lose to the Kitty Glitter penny slot machine at Boom Town Casino...more or less than 18 bucks?

How much will I be ahead on the slots before I promptly give it all back...more or less than 20 bucks?

How many packs of smokes will I go through in the next three days...more or less than 3?
(Remember I'll be in the casino...and the Gators wet their pants this weekend against Georgia)

How many times will I have to turn the radio on a Led Zepplin or Rush song...more or less than 12 times?

How many times will I turn the radio on a Led Zepplin or Rush song before I start cursing at the radio every time it happens...more or less than once?

How many times will I hear the greatest song evar - Hunka Burnin' Love by Elvis...more or less than twice?

How many times will I hear Thriller by Micheal Jackson on the way down...more or less than 6?

How many cops will I see on the way down...more or less than 12?


How many tickets will I get on the way down...more or less than 1?

How many Tato-Nut Donuts will I eat...more or less than 8?



Lastly, how many people will actually read this post...more or less than 5?

Feel free to share your reasoning with us.

Georgia

So far so good.

God fearin', red-blooded Gators 7 - Communist wing of the Taliban 0.

That's where it stands at the end of the 1st quarter...with Georgia in the red-zone.

7 - 3.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahah

14 - 3. That's what the fastest man in America looks like at 75%.

Don't wimper off yet...mangy dawgs.

It wouldn't have been good against anyone else...hahahaha.

17 - 3.

All-American kicker....but it's still wide right. Hahahaha.

D#%#^ it

They give 'Em that one.

17 - 10.

Brantly's issues are a little disconcerting. He's a statue...a collapsable statue...back there. Hopefully they're setting them up for something to deal with the blitz.

That's a win forth defense.

Braced for the usual third quarter surge from Georgia.

What the...they look hapless.

Another three and out...but more dreadful field position.

##%#^€€¥€£....gotta bow up now.

17 - 17

Florida's about to attempt another field goal with a kicker that's not even on the depth chart.

Good!!!

20 - 17

I think Gary's right Georgia should keep running the ball up the middle.

That was a good stop.

Now come on Walsh I know you can miss this one too.

Hahahahaha

Still...20 - 17.

What a crock of s***!!!

No Gary you babbling moron you don't have to give it to the Georgia oline you have to give to the ref that kept the drive alive.

20 - 24 Georgia and the pass interference.

What was that? Who could he possibly been trying to throw the ball to?

The Defense is gonna have to pick up some points here...they have to.

Three and out is good too...as was that doody poot punt.

Why for the love of cupcakes why would they try to run the ball up the middle. They better fake it...it's the only chance they've got.

Here we go.

That's it you clowns...now block the punt.

35 yards y'all.

They went backwards. They'll stop 'em again but then what??????

That was about as awful as it gets.

Ramshackle Operation...Obviously

I thought I was hitting the save button and hit the publish button. Here's a glimpse into the rough draft state of my mind I guess.

Feel free to finish the partial sentences anyway you like...and I'll put them in the body of the post.

I'd actually almost decided against putting this thing up. What a goofball!


There are nine styrofoam coffee cups in the floorboard of my truck and one in each of the three cup holders. That's a day's work and a drive from Pascagoula to Jackson.

I need more cup holders. At least twice a day I get in the car with a cup of coffee only to find the holders full of half drank cups. Flying down the interstate at 80 miles an hour, steering and holding a hot cup of coffee in one hand while trying to pour all that old coffee in to one cup with the other...so I can throw the two empties into the floor board...is harder than it sounds.
I spill a lot of coffee.

Since I left on Tuesday I've eaten at least one meal a day out of a gas station...including supper last night. I spend my life going from one gas station to another. Places I'd passed a hundred times on my way to the Coast or New Orleans have become regular

I spent yesterday riding with someone and I kept setting his car alarm off. A lot of the stops we made didn't require services...but we amused ourselves by masquerading as State Service Inspectors, carrying out spot-checks on restroom cleanliness and bathroom-tissue density. When a particularly alarmed and diligent Assistant Manager offered to eat his lunch off the floor of the restroom to prove its cleanliness, we realised we'd gone too far. After that, we drove along in silence, apart from his car alarm which continued to activate every time I moved my right elbow."

I spent yesterday riding with someone and I kept setting his car alarm off. A lot of the stops we made didn't require services...

Can I get you a coffee?

No, that's really kind of you but I read it's - toxicological speaking - bad for you.

Really? I read that turning down the offer of a coffee on the basis of studies that parade their "scientific" credibility in terms of unrepresentative statical samples, while ignoring the fact that the game of snap does not constitute a law-like relationship between cause and effect, kinda makes you the statistical type who ends up serving coffee, rather than ordering it.

I'll just have water.

Water is not a drink, it's a mixer at best.

Radio Grown Folks - Monday in the Office

I'll be in the office all day today.

I've got a lot paperwork to do, orders to place, I have to pack for the week...booooooooring.

That means y'all can't do what you normally do. Ignore this blog on Mondays.

Tuesday through Thursday we do a boomin' business around here but, Mondays and Fridays are dead. We can't have that today...y'all gotta entertain me. Log on say something stupid. Tell your friends.

To help you get started here are last weeks gems from the radio...



That's some Urban Blues I can get down with.



I don't really have to say anything about this do I?



A staple on the local radio...can't beat it.

Alright y'all.

"If You're Reading This Your Life....

Sux." That's what it says above the urinal at Mac's Gas.

It's kinda unfair really...you're stuck there and by the time you realize what you're reading it's too late to avert your eyes.

"Teach Peace." Ughh. Where's the race stuff?

"Who's That White Boy? This crazy a** boy right here." Not exactly what I was expecting.

"KKK." There it is...scratched into the wall.

There must have been something pretty good under it 'cause whatever it was has been scratched out and "White B****" has been written over it.

Then from someone who's obviously missed the plot..."hey man, not everybody feels that way." The last person on earth who's shocked to find something offensive written on a bathroom wall has mistaken it as a space for genuine discourse.

What is truly disturbing is the six step, illustrated, instructions on how to was your hands for the employees. Who is the employable person that doesn't know how to wash their hands?

My favorite is something about a cat's genitals. Actually it isn't about a cat's genitals...just a declarative statement really...

"Cat's Genitals!"


P.S. If anybody is interested in a good time just leave a comment and I'll get a number for you on the way back.

War Gator!

For the first time in ten years me and Daddy won't be in the stands at Auburn for the Florida / Auburn game...

"Yeah," says Martha, "maybe they'll win this time."

That's cold.

As hilarious as that was it wasn't the funniest thing that was said this afternoon.

"Alabama fans," according The Sister, a Mississippi State alum, "are horrid trailer trash" was the real funny.

Anyway...6:39 to go in the 1st quarter...0-0.

What a bunch of crap...typical crap at Auburn.

0-7 Auburn and the Referees.

3-7 auburn's still winnin the football game but losing the wrastlin match.

No GOOD Clowns.

6-7

Halftime.

Wide Left...losers.

:bangsheadagainstwall:

6-14 Cow College

Typical.

6-17 Auburn.

Next up a bye week....maybe they can win that.

__________________________________________________

As referenced in the comments...listen close you can hear Gloson's ankles snapping.